Help please

[gracie73]

Let me know what you think of my page. Something has to be wrong the conversion rate is terrible. Any and all suggestions will be welcomed.

http://training.GraceCornell.com

[topflight]

Hi Gracie73,

It can be taken one of two ways, too much information and not enough information.


This part is fine...
(Tired Of All The Hype, Lies And Schemes?

...so were we!)


This part need some change...
(That's why we created the first 100% Pay-Out online business opportunity that is taking the Internet by storm.)

I would change "the first" with "a" to read "...created a 100% Pay-Out online business..."

It is not the first 100% Pay-out online business, and many people know that and would become suspect of the offer.

After that line of ad copy you can place your signup box to get their email and name. Leave out the rest of the copy as it takes away from the offer.


It is too much information for a "short ad copy" and not enough information for a "long ad copy."

After the signup box, change the "Note..." message to a "P.S." message that state your privacy policy and a short sentice as to what we can expect to recieve for sending you our personal information.

Old
(Note: Once You submitted above, You Will be taken to the Instruction page and be guided On how to Install Yahoo Messenger and how to get a hold of me so I can teach you!)

New (example only)
P.S. your information is safe with us, we do not sale or trade your name and email. So fill out the information today to recieve your complete instructions on this 100% Pay-Out online business opportunity !